Question

My husband and I have a 13-week-old girl who is waking at least four times every night. There doesn't seem to be any reason for this other than that she has a nightmarish routine. It's exhausting us both and we need to find a solution. The difficulty is that we have very different ideas about how to deal with this. My husband wants to try a controlled Gina Ford-style regime which includes leaving Millie to cry, but I find the idea of that extremely upsetting. I have suggested getting a doula to help for the next month, but Dan doesn't want the intrusion into our family life or the cost. Is there another option? Am I right to refuse to do the Gina Ford thing? I am still breastfeeding. Please help.

The expert
Mandy Gurney

Around 25 per cent of children suffer sleep problems at some point. It's vital for parents to agree on an approach. We recommend 'gradual distancing' for the night-time routine. It takes about 45 minutes. Start with a feed in the living room (don't let her fall asleep), then give her a quiet bath (no splashing or fun), then straight to the sleeping room, lights dimmed, clothes ready. For the next three nights: hold your baby until she's asleep in your arms, then put her in the cot. Next three nights: cuddle her while she's in the cot. Next three: pat her to sleep in the cot. Next three: intermittent patting/stroking. Next three: place a very light hand on her. Next three: sit by the cot without touching her. Because you are in the room as your baby falls asleep, it's a comforting approach but may involve crying - it's impossible to avoid it when you are changing a routine. We have a 97 per cent success rate at our clinic.

· Mandy Gurney is founder of Millpond Children's Sleep Clinic (www.mill-pond.co.uk) and co-author of Teach Your Child To Sleep (£9.99, Hamlyn)

The mother
Hero Brown

Paul and I had similar problems with our child Finn, who was waking up to five times a night at 16 weeks. In the end we were so exhausted we had to agree on a strategy (this is crucial: no agreement, no chance of success). We thought about craniosacral therapy, but felt Finn's problems were rooted in our early habit of rocking him to sleep, and since we caused the problem, we should solve it. We didn't like Gina Ford-style regimes, but several friends with angelic babies swore by them. We decided to try Gina Ford for two weeks - enough time to expect improvement, and not so long it would traumatise Finn if it didn't work. The first night I was in tears, as Finn cried in his room, unable to settle. Two days later, he was only waking once a night, and then it tailed off completely. Looking back, Finn craved a decent bedtime routine, and I needed to learn not to rush in at every whimper. Gina Ford may have uttered the words, but really it's just common sense.

· Hero Brown is a journalist and mother of one

The editor
Susie Boone

Having three children, I sympathise. Think about what's happening in the day. If your baby isn't getting enough daytime sleep this can break up the night-time pattern. Also, maybe try waking your baby for an extra feed just before you go to bed, to help her sleep that bit longer through the night. A great Gina Ford tip is to use blackout blinds, as your baby can go into light sleep every 40-50 minutes and shafts of light may disturb her. Try expressing milk and get your partner to do some of the night feeds so you both get decent sleep. If dummies help soothe your baby, they're fine at this age. Just gradually cut down the usage and remove the dummy when your baby's asleep. Finally, have a relaxing bedtime routine - use a dimmer switch, try massage, put on baby music, anything to signal 'night-time'. Vitally, you must put your baby down while she is still awake. That way she will eventually learn to settle herself, which is the key to good sleeping habits.

· Susie Boone is editor of Practical Parenting magazine

· If you have a health question for our experts, email health@observer.co.uk