What is it? Sitting is the new smoking. Sitters have blood that’s basically just fatty soup looking for an opportunity to kill them. Standing up is healthier, and that might require a standing desk.

How much does it cost? Fixed-height standing desks start at a couple of hundred quid. Adjustable ones, which can accommodate sitting and standing, are more expensive. Or if (like me) you’re a cheapskate, you can just pile books on your desk.

What does it promise? A longer life, a thinner waist, better posture, increased concentration and a gigantic feeling of superiority over all those sitting-down idiots.

What’s it actually like? I love sitting, so standing up to work felt like a horrible punishment. First you learn how to type upright. Then you try to resist the urge to lean. Then things start to ache. Most importantly, despite the promises, standing up crippled my productivity. This is mainly because I’d stretch out toilet breaks – the only legitimate time I’d get to sit down – to about 20 minutes a pop. The second day was better, but not by enough to make me want to continue.

Best and worst bit The best bit is getting to feel like the keyboard player from a bad 1980s hair-metal band. The worst bit is sore feet, sore neck, sore lower back, and the constant cursing of God for making chairs so comfortable.

Is it worth it? Advocates maintain that it gets easier as you go along – and that a similar result can be achieved simply by taking and making all your phone calls standing up. But I maintain that it’s a basic human right to blob away into a sedentary dollop of cholesterol as you get older. In that case, no.