I wish that I had the discipline to be an entrepreneur. Then I could even now be working round the clock to get my Nigella Lawson-shaped waterbed into the novelty shops. Could it actually be a speaking waterbed, saying, "My name is Nigella Lawson, and I am an aquaholic"?

Lawson has declared that she has a problem with water. She can't stop drinking it, even though her doctor has repeatedly warned her of the health risks. Honestly, it's like the Summer of Love never happened. I fondly imagined that if the craze for ecstasy-taking had achieved just one thing it was an understanding that humans could drown their own brains by drinking too much water too quickly. Au contraire.

Lawson's confession has inspired others to stand up and be counted as well. What's to be done? Perhaps they could all be persuaded to immerse themselves in the Rime of the Ancient Mariner. If they can make water-drinking into an albatross around their necks then the image of an etiolated death-ship floating towards them might be just the therapy they need.