Annalisa Barbieri 

‘Your running days are over’: the words I hoped I’d never hear

I have been running all my life – it has kept me fit, calm and even sane. But now, after two children and multiple ailments, I’m being told to stop. Should I?
  
  

An end to this?
An end to this? Photograph: Alamy

Last week as I lay on my back with leg in the chiropractor’s hands, bent into my chest, she said these words: “I think with your back and your knees, your running days are over.”

I haven’t run for over a year. But, in my heart, I’m still a runner, and always will be. Running was just waiting for me to get back into it. No one was going to tell me my running days were over. I intended to run into old age, maybe even over a cliff one day.

Me and running go back a long way. I started when I was in sixth form, when absolutely nobody else I knew was doing it. Just as sport was no longer part of the school timetable, I discovered it. I’d never been much of a team player. But now I had found something that didn’t involve other people, or being picked for a team.

Although I started running around the tennis courts at school, I soon graduated to my local park. I did it all wrong to begin with, just running flat out for as long as I could, wearing tennis shoes. I had no concept of pacing myself and just added a minute onto the time I had to run every day. Then I discovered a book on running by James Fixx and learned about fartlek and interval training and pacing myself and started to get fit and started to fall a little bit in love with it.

Soon, I had proper running shoes (barefoot running back then meant Zola Budd) and running leggings and a digital watch and I’d be up at 5am running around the park. I watched others running in real life (no YouTube back then) and worked on my technique.

Then I joined the army, and running took on an entirely different meaning. For one, you always ran in boots, which is a little bit like having bricks tied to your feet. Every morning we’d get up at 6am for a “quick run” cross country, my sergeant major running backwards, smoking a pipe. That’s how fit HE was. Those runs were never fun, but you got used to them. Running in full combat gear, including packed webbing, wearing army boots, carrying a machine gun and running across a ploughed field, at night? I never got used to that. Running in trainers, on short grass, the earth firm underfoot, seemed like a luxury after that.

I ran my first race, aged 19, in north Africa. The night before, I was in the hotel disco until 4am, limbo-ing (that was to be my downfall, see later), dancing with two Germans and drinking gin and tonics. I came eighth out of 90.

I loved running. It felt as close to flying as I could get. Even after I left the army I used to go to the Duke of York’s barracks off Sloane Square in London (now luxury flats) and run round the track after work, wearing my spikes. Round and round I would go, hypnotised, able to really push myself, because I was never far from the beginning.

Running for me has always been meditative. I’ve never got into yoga, it is running that calms me and clears my head. I read once that a runner, in a trance, ran off a cliff, and it made perfect sense to me.

I ran through heartache, new love, people dying, new jobs, bad bosses, (early) pregnancy and lots and lots of rain. I ran around the streets in southern Italy, chased by the stray dogs. I ran fast that day. I want to be clear that I was never particularly good, or fast at running. But still, I could run.

But after the birth of child number one, the legacy of being what they now call hypermobile – remember the limbo-ing? – started to manifest. Although I didn’t know it, I had the beginnings of symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD). But whilst I stayed relatively fit, it was okay. I’d moved to the country, and I ran cross country, body swerving all requests to go running with anybody else.

By the time I was 31 weeks pregnant with child number two, my pelvic bone crunched out of alignment and everything changed. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t get out of the bath on my own, I couldn’t turn over in bed, I needed help in getting out of the car. It was like an accelerated old age and it was frightening. I would never again take walking, let along running, for granted.

The NHS sent me home with an information leaflet on how to have sex whilst having SPD and a torso length tubi-grip bandage (the irony of the two given together entirely lost on the phsyio handing it over). I threw everything in the bin. I spoke to my ex-personal trainer who told me to “keep moving” (the opposite of what the NHS said). I did, and with regular treatments from osteopaths and chiropractors, I was soon walking again. Not fast but walking.

But running again was to be two long years away. When I finally did go for my first run after that, the simple joy of being able to put one foot in front of the other was incredible. I thought I heard angels sing. I got covered in mud. It was joyous. I ran every other morning, getting up at 6am, home again for 7am when the rest of the family got up for school, and work.

Then, just over two years ago, I stopped again. This time for no reason. It just felt wrong. Until now. But when someone tells me I shouldn’t run any more and I think just as I did with the SPD: we’ll see about that.

 

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