Name: Markus Persson.

Age: 36.

Appearance: Games programmer and designer.

Nerdy, ubiquitous black hat? Exactly.

What does he do? He is – or perhaps was – a developer of computer games.

Was? He developed Minecraft, sold it to Microsoft last year for $2.5bn (£1.6bn), and is now at a loose end.

How loose? Very, according to a series of bored tweets he posted over the weekend.

Such as? “Hanging out in ibiza with a bunch of friends and partying with famous people, able to do whatever I want, and I’ve never felt more isolated.”

Poor sausage. There’s more. “Found a great girl, but she’s afraid of me and my lifestyle and went with a normal person instead.”

I’m available. But you’re not a girl.

Nobody’s perfect. Hey, good line!

Are you going to fill this entire column with Mr Persson’s tweets? Yes. “When we sold the company, the biggest effort went into making sure the employees got taken care of, and they all hate me now.”

Why do they hate him? When they sold out to Microsoft, Persson and his two partners trousered the dosh; the company’s other 30-odd employees had no equity so couldn’t cash in.

And they resent him? He’s become a non-Persson.

I take it he’s Scandinavian? Very sharp of you. Born in Stockholm, Finnish mother, Swedish father, produced first game at the age of eight, released Minecraft in 2011.

A brief description of Minecraft for the uninitiated? Build your own virtual world before assorted monsters and zombies destroy you. Reckoned to be the best-selling game in the world.

How is he feeling now? He says he’s over his weekend blues and has apologised: “To people out there with real problems: I’m sorry the whining of a newly wealthy programmer gets more attention than yours. Stay strong.”

Good for him. But now he’s moaning about the media picking up on his tweets instead: “Journalism (noun): 1. Browsing twitter, speculating, and making up some shit. 2. (archaic) Accurately describing reality.”

That’s quite funny. Look, if we couldn’t report on Twitter, how would we fill the paper?

Do tweet: “I think people are reporting on me complaining about them reporting about my tweets now.” (The reluctant billionaire’s latest offering.)

Don’t tweet: “I bet you’ve never played Minecraft in your life.”