We have talked so much about the proposed Virginia transvaginal probe law that I thought I should remind you the name of the governor who wants to run a state that supports legalizing rape.
So, again, his name is Bob McDonnell.
When this story broke, I had so many questions. The immediate ones seemed so basic. I wondered why Bob McDonnell is so cruel. I wondered why Bob McDonnell felt he had the legal authority to force doctors to rape their patients.
And why, why, why did Bob McDonnell, the governor of the great state of Virginia, a man on every Republican presidential hopeful's short list for vice-president ever feel he needed to?
"But wait!" you say, "Bob McDonnell backed off his support for this bill. He clearly realized that this was one of the most profoundly invasive hideous pieces of legislation anyone could imagine."
Holy Search and seizure Batman! His reason is that it may violate the fourth amendment? Ya think?
So, it wasn't that he was appalled; it was that someone smarter than him said so. (Maybe the "various people" he consulted were his attorney general; maybe it was the guy who details his car. I really don't know whom he seeks to consult from in matters of privacy issues.)
But it is utterly shocking he needed to consult anyone to point out to him that maybe, just maybe, in America or any civilized society, shoving things into a woman's vagina without her permission, may violate her rights against search and seizure. And, by the way, it is also rape.
After I showered, hoping I could wash this vile stench of inequality off, I asked myself another question about Bob McDonnell, "What kind of man could enthusiastically support this kind of law in the first place?"
The answer is, a guy who wrote in his graduate thesis "The cost of sin should fall on the sinner, not the taxpayer." So, it is cold comfort for those of us who are members of the demonic part of American society Bob McDonnell marginalizes as "cohabitators, homosexuals and fornicators" that he begrudgingly concedes we are entitled to protections under the fourth amendment.
But Bob McDonnell is a fluke, right? I mean, thank God no other state has a cretinous governor who wants doctors to insert some kind of Dead Ringers device into your vagina against your will, right?
Wrong.
Pssst, hey, Texas: the transvaginal express is already happening in your state. Yep. Implemented three weeks ago. Now, women in the Lone Star State must submit to a mandated vaginal probe if they want to terminate a pregnancy.
(Side bar: I would advise Texans to check the fine print of your new voter ID laws to see if you must also submit to a vaginal probe if you don't have the proper documentation on election day.)
Also, you may want to expand that conceal-and-carry law to include your private parts, then amend that bumper sticker to say, "Don't Mess With Texas Vaginas." Or better yet, "You can give me a transvaginal when you pry it from my OBGYN's cold dead hands."
So let me ask you this: what is going on in your state? Do you have a governor like Bob McDonnell? Know someone who does? Have you ever had sex, ever planning to have sex, hope to have sex in the future?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to get your vagina off the couch and do something about these Vagzillas who are creating laws that try to diminish, degrade and remove the rights that guarantee cohabitators, homosexuals and fornicators have access to all the legal medical care we are granted under that annoying US constitution.
His name is Bob McDonnell. In Texas, his name is Rick Perry. Let's learn the names of the rest of them.
And vote them out of office.
