Among the thousands of things Apprentice candidates can end up being criticised for, there’s being seen to cry. However, although there are plenty of legitimate reasons to have a go at anyone who actively wants to take part in that show, this one doesn’t seem fair.

It’s Christmas party season right now, the time of year where every workplace decamps to a nearby bar or function room for awkward conversation between colleagues who barely know or actively dislike each other over the sub-par roast dinner. But it’s very common for one or more employees to overindulge in the free (or discounted) wine and end up a tearful mess, telling anyone or everyone that their personal life is a huge mess, or that they’ve always loved Brian from HR.

While drunken displays like this can be awkward and unprofessional, leading to embarrassment, the simple act of crying in the workplace is often seen as a negative. However, this isn’t necessarily fair, or even logical in most cases.

So, is it ever OK to cry in the workplace? As ever, it depends on many factors.

Why cry?

Humans cry for numerous reasons; happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, or a chemical reactions to the vapours released from a cut onion. Obviously a kitchen porter leaking from the eyes while chopping a day’s worth of onions won’t be thought of as a lesser human.

Other types of crying impact on the workplace differently too. Someone crying tears of joy due to a big promotion may well be viewed positively (think Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happiness, or Cuba Gooding Jr in Jerry Maguire). Alternatively, someone leaking tears due to barely supressed rage is giving quite an obvious sign to avoid them.

There are numerous different causes (and types) of crying, not all of which are perfectly understood. While your average person’s life is so complex in terms of possible occurrences that any number of factors could lead to a need to cry, stress and frustration are likely triggers for crying. As anyone with a job will know, these things are often available in abundance in the modern workplace.

Crying has a strong social element; the act of crying is a clear signal to those around us that we are in the grip of a strong emotional state (or some strong onions, admittedly), and people can respond accordingly. Humans are very good at reading such things. However, how they respond to them is another matter.

The benefits of crying

When asking “is it OK to cry?” it’s important to consider the positive effects it has on the person doing the crying. Many believe that, as with anger, crying is cathartic, so it’s better not to bottle it up and just let it out, to avoid supressing true feelings and causing damage. However, as with anger, there’s not a lot of evidence to support the idea that this notion is correct.

While it’s a tricky thing to study directly (making people cry in the lab is generally frowned upon, amongst other things) some evidence suggests that crying only has a very minimal positive effect on mood, although this may increase in the presence of another person, further supporting the idea that crying has a strong social element. But the idea that crying is soothing and makes you feel better seems to be a misconception. The reason for and type of crying strongly influences how you feel afterwards.

Perhaps crying is just a biological response from a body and brain confused by what’s going on, like motion sickness. Even if this is the case though, it still doesn’t mean people should be thought less of for doing it in the workplace. If anything, it just emphasises how beyond their control it really is, so expecting someone to just “not do it” is even more illogical.

The effects of gender

A person’s sex is, undoubtedly, also a big factors in how crying is perceived, particularly in the workplace. Women are invariably in a lose-lose situation; studies into workplace feedback reveal that a woman who is firm and in control is perceived as bossy, harsh, cold etc. A woman who is emotional and expressive is seen as weaker, unpredictable, unstable etc.

It is believed that women cry more than men, but even this claim isn’t exactly true. It seems that men and women cry for different reasons, but there’s not necessarily a huge gap in how often they do it. Women are believed to be more emotional in general, and this is often a way of enforcing (possibly subconscious) bias.

This is almost certainly a result of the machismo of most workplace cultures. Men in top jobs favour other men to take similar jobs, and the aggressive drive to succeed and dominate others in a hierarchy is usually seen as a good thing in men, while alarming in women due to our deeply ingrained gender stereotypes. So much so that even other women don’t approve of women crying.

While a male-dominated business world has lead to many properties associated with men being seen as positives in the workplace (dominance, ruthlessness, control etc.) this has negative impacts on men too. As we’ve said, crying just seems to be an innate biological response to external situations, but being “manly” means keeping total control over your emotions (apparently). Ergo, men aren’t supposed to cry. It’s seen as “weakness” when women do it, but often crosses the line to a “failing” if men do it, with toxic and potentially disastrous consequences.

Overall, there seem to be no good reasons to criticise people for crying in the workplace, where pressure and demands on individuals are often at their highest, and options for responses and reactions are very limited.

That’s not how it works though, is it. It’s probably good for a person to cry in the workplace in situations where they’ve worked really hard for something and been denied it, or been under too much pressure. It suggests they’re willing/able to express their frustration or similar emotions, rather than suppressing them only for them to be displaced elsewhere.

However, for the impact it has on others in this setting, it’s probably not a great idea. Most people seem to see crying in the workplace, especially from a woman, as a sign of emotional instability or lack of control. This isn’t good. People want strong leadership abilities, willingness to take advantage of other competitors etc. Even if these things can kill you.

Ideally, crying in the workplace should be fine, just something people do when things get too much. However, such is the warping effect of cultural stereotypes that this positive action is usually seen as a negative. Aside from altering some fundamental preconceptions of modern society, it’s hard to see what we can do about this.

This piece was written in conjunction with an article by Rachael Misstear for Wales Online.

Dean Burnett has no problem with crying. He’s crying now, as he writes this (it’s not his best piece, in fairness). He is also emotionally available via Twitter, @garwboy