Name: Work.

Age: 9-5.

Appearance: Every flipping day.

I hate work. It’s always like: “Ooh, do this useful thing for hours and we’ll give you money to buy electricity.” And I’m like: “Electricity is boring. I want a Ferrari!” And work’s like: “In that case, do more work.” And I’m like: “You always say that …” Good, yes. You seem to grasp the basic principle. And you’ll be pleased to hear that ignoring the demands of work might actually be good for you.

I’m ecstatic. Is this scientists again? Economists.

Close enough. Give me the details so I can explain them to my boss. Well, these economists, who work at the University of Copenhagen and Purdue University, Indiana, looked at the health of Danish manufacturing workers between 1996 and 2006. Some had quiet spells; some suddenly got a lot of foreign orders, making them very busy.

And what did they discover? Women at companies that experienced an export boom were significantly more likely to be treated afterwards for severe depression, or take medication to protect against heart attacks or strokes. The rate of serious work injuries also increased among both men and women.

Interesting. They also found that workers took fewer sick days when the company first got busy, but when things became extremely busy, they suddenly started taking more. Companies experiencing one of the top 25% biggest booms had 14% more sick days among men, and 24% among women.

So women are soft? I wouldn’t say that. Maybe women work harder during booms? Although it does seem to be a bigger problem for women.

How do these economists know that Denmark isn’t weird? There is, after all, nothing like a Dane. That’s true, but Denmark has the best data for their purposes. You can’t just work people half to death to see what happens.

Tell that to my boss. Besides, lots of other evidence associates working too hard with health problems. An Australian study in February found that working more than 25 hours a week may even lower the IQ of people over 40.

That explains why I’m so clever! I spend all my time on Facebook or making tea. Twenty-five hours is the optimum. Working less than that was also correlated with a lower IQ.

Oh. Indeed.

Do say: I’m not lazy, I’m just very, very health-conscious.

Don’t say: Sorry. I can’t come in today. I’m not ill, but I feel as though I might be.