Catherine Bennett 

Modern tribes: the Christmas clean-eater

If you serve Tallulah’s pumpkin, chia and toadstool faux-turkey porridge you’ll be giving your guests the best present of all: the gift of wellbeing’
  
  

Illustration by Ben Lamb
Illustration: Ben Lamb for the Guardian

If there’s one thing the lovely team here at Awesomely Alicia and Totally Tallulah agree on, it’s we heart, heart, HEART Christmas. Except for just one thing: so-called “festive” food and drink, laden with fat and sugar and gluten and all the processed nasties we’ve trained our bods to live without! Know the feeling? We’re here to help! There’s no reason not to stay clean just because everyone else is stuffing their faces with Christmas toxins and drinking like fishes. Bleugh!

Loads of your festive favourites can be “cleaned up” – we call it awesomeified – by replacing them with yummy, guilt-free superfood. Instead of champagne, we’ll be serving steaming glassfuls of our signature bone broth and St John’s wort toddy, infused with night-gathered Himalayan ginseng for improved serotonin uptake! With a little forward planning, and a few hints from Alicia and Tallulah’s Real Food Clean Xmas Detox, you swerve the pre-Christmas stress of worrying that you’ll end up tired and bloated for literally years to come, and survive the occasion with glowing skin and your colon feeling more toned and alert than ever, promise!

Best of all, if you serve Tallulah’s pumpkin, chia and toadstool faux-turkey porridge with hemp’n’baobab dumplings and lashings of our luxurious wild liquorice, turmeric and seaweed molasses, you’ll be giving your guests the best present of all: the gift of wellbeing!

And if you’ve got kids, don’t worry, they’ll adore our delish raw apple slices with fermented acorn butter to nourish self-esteem. Our three-day detox will put your little ones back on their fitness journey! Awesome!

What about gingerbread houses, we hear you say! No problem! Sign up for an Alicia and Tallulah Xmas superfood workshop (£750, including unlimited flaxseed crackers), and you will learn to make our awesome rice cake mega-basement (you guessed it, modelled on chez nous) sprinkled with yummy quinoa “snow”, for enhanced bone structure, and beet “candy”, for vibrant intestinal fauna. Gift them this Xmas and, trust us, your friends will never forget!

 

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