Here in Sweden we’re getting a bit fed up with our neighbours. For the last few years, it’s been Danish hygge this and hygge that, or Norwegian “back to the land culture” and, “Sorry we are so much richer than you because we’ve got huge oil reserves.” So my publishers and I thought we should try to put Sweden back on the map – and earn ourselves a few krona into the bargain.

Sadly, after a couple of days, the best we could come up with was the Swedish concept of lagom – the idea that the right amount of something you should have is the right amount of something you should have. Not too much, not too little. Just the right amount. Though obviously this doesn’t apply to Ikea furniture as you can never have too many flat-packed chairs.

What makes lagom unique to Sweden is the fact that it is an idea shared with almost every other culture. And I want to show you how, by using lagom, you can live up to 10 years longer, providing you don’t get seriously ill and die beforehand. It is a little known fact that the average life expectancy of every Swede is 103, even in those areas of the country where Wallander hasn’t caught the resident serial killers and paedophiles who are to be found everywhere.

So let’s get you started. The biggest threat to our health is the occurrence of inflammation in the body, largely due to an unhealthy lifestyle. Inflammation can occur in many ways, but the main cause is free radicals. The best way to stop free radicals is to adopt a healthy lifestyle. At all times, remember lagom. Too much exercise is as bad for you as too little. The same applies to smoking. Some people make the mistake of stopping smoking completely. In Sweden, it is the law that every adult must smoke 3.6 cigarettes per day. Pregnant mothers are advised to increase that to 4.7 as they are smoking for two.

Moving is an essential part of being alive. People who don’t move are more likely to be dead than those people who do. There are a number of ways you can move. You can arrange your legs so that one goes in the front of the other. This is known in Sweden as walking. Many Swedes are very good at walking except when it is snowing. Then they often like to use skis. If you want to move a little more actively, you can also let your arms swing when you are moving. Some people may be tempted to also move their mouths so that they can talk while they walk and swing their arms. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO THIS. Remember lagom. Two movements are just the right amount at any time.

After you have moved, you will need to lie down and sleep. Sleep is very important. If you do not sleep, you can get very tired and possibly psychotic. But don’t forget that sleeping too much is as bad as sleeping too little. The right amount of sleep to have is the right amount for you. Once you have woken up, you might like to go outside for a bit, as sunlight is an important source of vitamin D. Try to get the maximum amount of sunlight as possible without getting skin cancer. This isn’t such a problem for us in Sweden as the sun doesn’t shine that much, which is why we live to 103.

Eating is good for you. If you don’t eat, then you starve to death. If you eat too much, then you become morbidly obese and get heart disease. Try not to just eat any old junk. The best foods for you are those rich in omega-3 and omega-6. All Swedes over the age of 90 are force-fed reindeer and polar bear meatballs three times a week. Make sure you also remember to drink fluids, otherwise you might get thirsty. After you have eaten and drunk, please remember to brush your teeth. Gum disease and halitosis are not attractive. Especially in the very old.

Lagom is also a state of mind. Too many countries place too much emphasis on the need to embrace happiness. For a long life, it is far better to drift purposefully along on a tide of mediocrity. Neither too happy, nor too sad. Just averagely a bit bored. That’s why it is so rare to see Swedes smiling. It is not that we don’t have a sense of humour. It’s just we don’t think that living 10 years longer than everyone else is a laughing matter.

Digested read, digested: Just the right amount of pointless.