‘I often dream of what my life could have been without insomnia’

Over the past 25 to 30 years, insomnia has completely destroyed my working life. I was always a high-flier, and worked with one of the largest firms in the City. I got several promotions and did very well during the first six years despite the fact that I struggled with insomnia. However, when I started having kids the insomnia worsened. I was always exhausted, unable to concentrate and unable to drive. I felt as if I was starting to develop mental health problems – anxiety and depression – and that my child was at risk. I often asked GPs for help. The typical response was to prescribe quite potent sleeping pills but I knew they weren’t the answer. I decided to treat myself using natural remedies and sleep hygiene.

I left my job and started to do a mixture of voluntary and consultancy work part-time in the not-for-profit sector. I have had some satisfying moments career-wise since then, but I feel as if I lost out a great deal – in money and professional development. I often dream of what my life could have been without insomnia.

Anonymous, director of a small not-for-profit, London

‘Working as a music teacher became almost unbearable’

My insomnia impacted me so much that as a musician I found it harder and harder to push myself to practise. Even worse, working as a music teacher became almost unbearable (imagine listening to six-year-olds playing recorder when you’ve had an hour’s sleep or so). On the few occasions I was performing, I was more on autopilot. Every missed note felt like a dagger. The cumulative effect of months of sleeping trouble caused bad migraines, modes of depression, and anxiety attacks, which made falling asleep even harder.

Anonymous, 34, musician, the Netherlands

‘I was eventually signed off work’

In a previous job I suffered from a bout of severe anxiety-fuelled insomnia. For the first four weeks I lay awake for hours and only seemed able to fall asleep for around 15 minutes at a time. I couldn’t concentrate. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, and I cried repeatedly. I was eventually signed off work by a doctor and was able to take about three weeks off. Once I was worrying less about having to make it through the next working day I was able to sleep better, although my sleep patterns were still very irregular for around six months afterwards.

I found it difficult to focus at work during this period and felt under a lot of pressure to “get better”. Most of the time I could get the work done, but I was completing tasks at a slower rate. My boss regularly asked personal questions about my mental health and what I was doing to improve my insomnia. I was criticised for seeming downbeat and tired. This pressure only made my anxiety worse. My insomnia would have improved faster had this pressure not been there. Insomnia and mental health should be taken seriously in the workplace.

Anonymous

‘Eventually I became unfit for work’

Lack of sleep combined with an excessive workload gradually caused me to become unable to function. I couldn’t remember simple things, or complete sentences or mundane tasks successfully. The more tired I became the less I slept; eventually I could not meet my contractual obligations and became unfit for work. Four months later I still only sleep for an hour or two each night and struggle to function. I only sleep for an hour or so and then I am either wide awake or hover between wakefulness and sleep. I suffer from night sweats and tinnitus, which is much more noticeable at night. Pillows and bedding make no difference – I have tried many variations.

When I talked to my employer about it, she said she had sleepless nights and then changed the subject.

Anonymous, teacher, Oxford

‘Insomnia has impacted my career – I can’t move upwards’

I had undiagnosed sleep apnoea for quite a few years and was getting very little quality sleep. I was often unable to do anything but stare at a screen and count the clock down. Now I don’t suffer so badly with that as I use a CPAP machine but I still suffer from bouts of insomnia. I have orchestrated my working life around it – I work part-time and mostly from home so I don’t have to deal with being a wreck publicly.

Insomnia has impacted my career – I can’t move upwards. I manage the situation and treading water is part of that. I previously had problems in a larger organisation, and ultimately had to leave. I can no longer consider working in certain environments. Lack of sleep can cause erratic interpersonal behaviour and emotional imbalance, neither of which are appropriate in the workplace.

Andy, 44, web developer, Bristol

‘It was challenging to make the right decisions’

In my previous job, some days I had to go to work without sleeping at all, or after no more than an hour of sleep. I had to learn to function with very little sleep. It was challenging to make the right decisions.

If I was awake at night I used to work because then I could make use of the time, but that meant some days I worked 18 hours-plus in a day – and because I then got more work done, I was given more to do which just made me more stressed. I didn’t tell my managers, but some of my colleagues and team knew. They made light of it, and said that I was so dedicated I would work 24/7.

When I could not sleep, I was normally preoccupied with thoughts of work: I had a very stressful job and it was hard to switch off. The stress of the role and the lack of support in the company was one of the causes of my insomnia. I needed to leave before it became bad for my health. I am now in a new role in a great organisation and I no longer have such bad sleeping problems.

Callie, 32, Southampton

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