I always make everyone in our team a cup of tea – sometimes three times a day. No one returns the favour; what do I do?

Your question is particularly nostalgic for me. My cousins and I were children in a busy household, and whenever the visiting aunts requested a cup of tea, we would make it so badly that we wouldn’t be asked again. So the simple answer? Don’t make the Team Tea.

You’ve put yourself in this position by always offering, and your colleagues abuse it by not offering back. This is not a team that supports each other! Trust me, rotas don’t work for this sort of stuff: you have to use mind games to change the behaviour. This can be excruciating, but you have to hold fast. Psych yourself up and go in early on Monday. Make your own tea and then do your work. Thus the first missed cup of Team Tea can be attributed to the fact that no one else was there.

When it comes to the second cup of tea, ask for it. If you don’t ask, you don’t get! Look very busy and say, “Could you please make me a tea? I’m snowed!” And then bask in the steam of your fresh cuppa (not made by you).

Make the third cup of tea a social activity. Whoever made your second cup, show your gratitude by saying, “That tea was so good! Do you want a quick break? Let’s go to the kitchen.” They’ll think you’re being sociable, but really you’re just softening the blow of never being the person to make the Team Tea again.

Go to the kitchen together and make sure you do not touch a thing. Let them fill the kettle and get the cups while you chat away. You’re passing on the torch and they don’t even know it. Then drink their tea and smile and say, “Mmm, this is so good, I don’t think I can top it.” Calmly return to your desk.

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